Most of us are guilty of complaining in our daily lives, whether it be in our minds about the traffic, or to our friends about work or even the bad customer service we received last night. In fact, research shows that most people complain once every minute throughout a typical conversation.

Complaining is tempting because it feels comforting to us. As good as it may feel, it is actually detrimental on our mental and physical health.

When we complain frequently, our brain gets used to it just like it gets used to driving a car. This makes it easier for us to do it whenever a situation arises that we don't like. You might not even realise you are doing it as it has become so automatic. 

As the saying goes “neurons that fire together, wire together.” Constant complaining rewires our brain, making complaining in the future more likely. Over time, we find it easier to be negative than to be positive, regardless of what’s happening around us. Naturally, our brain is wired to look for the 'possible threats to our safety' or ‘problems', mix this with a habit of complaining and we have a recipe for a negative default behaviour. 

The worse part is complaining damages areas of our brain. According to Stanford University research has shown that complaining shrinks the hippocampus -- an area of the brain that’s vital to problem solving and intelligent thought.

Complaining is also bad for our physical health-

Each time you complain, your body releases the stress hormone cortisol. This means your fight-or-flight mode is activated. One use of cortisol is to raise your blood pressure and blood sugar so that you'll be prepared to either escape or defend yourself. All this for really no danger at all.

The extra cortisol released by frequent complaining impairs your immune system and makes you more susceptible to diabetes, high cholesterol, heart disease and obesity. As well as making the brain more susceptible to strokes!

You're not the only one-

Since us human beings are social creatures, our brains naturally mimic the moods of people around us, especially those who we are closest to. This is called neuronal mirroring, and it is based on our ability to feel empathy. However, it has a negative side whereby, just being around complaining can effect you, like second hand smoking. 

Be aware of how much time you are spending with complainers, it is easy to fall in the trap of complaining with people just so you feel like you are connecting with them. Try to distance yourself from the negativity.

The solution to complaining-

Gratitude-

Adopting an attitude of gratitude helps us to notice and appreciate the positive things in our life. Just like complaining turns into a habit, gratitude could be a the new formed habit. Soon, seeing the positives of things can become our new way of life. Practice thinking of something to be grateful for every time you feel like complaining. 

Being grateful provides the opposite effects on our health than complaining does. It reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. Also, research conducted at the University of California, Davis, found that people who practiced an attitude of gratitude daily experienced improved mood and energy and significantly less anxiety due to lower cortisol levels. 

If you think your complaint is legitimate, try...

Having a clear purpose. Think of the outcome you want to achieve with this compaint. If you see no outcome or solution than it is mostly a complaint not worth making.

If you do see an positive outcome or solution then..

Stick to the point. It's easy to get emotions involved with your complaint especially if you're angry, but try sticking to the point. Be clear about your complaint and refrain from making the situation worse than it is. Stick to the facts.

Start and end on a positive note. If you are complaining to someone, starting off a sentence with the complaint will usually come off negative and can cause someone to be in defence mode. Saying something like 'you've been a really good friend to me these past few years but I feel like...' and then ending it with a purpose or solution like 'I hope we can work through this' can increase the chance of the conversation being effective.

Remember, if there is no solution or the complaint won’t help anything, than try your best to refrain. Practice gratitude everyday and feel the benefits of a positive life.

With love,

Jacqui Zdravkovski