Self-esteem is the degree to which we feel confident, consider ourselves valuable, and respect ourselves, and this greatly affects our well-being. Self-esteem exists on a continuum, from high to low, and low self-esteem is associated with self-doubt, self-criticism, social isolation, suppressed anger, and shame. Low self-esteem is also a symptom of several mental health conditions, including anxiety and depression.
Our self-esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves. If you have low self-esteem you may feel:
like you hate or dislike yourself
worthless or not good enough
unable to make decisions or assert yourself
like no one likes you
you blame yourself for things that aren't your fault
guilt for spending time or money on yourself
unable to recognise your strengths
undeserving of happiness
low in confidence.
Ways we can build our self-esteems are:
Think about what is affecting your self-esteem-
What affects our self-esteem differs for everyone. Your confidence may have been lowered after a difficult experience or series of negative life event, such as: being bullied or abused, losing your job or difficulty finding employment, ongoing stress, physical illness, mental health problems, difficult relationship, separation or divorce. Or you may have had low self-esteem for as long as you can remember. If this is the case, it can be hard to recognise how you feel and make changes to challenge your low self-belief. However, with self-awareness and consistent practice you can build your self-esteem up.
Limit your use of social media-
60% of people using social media reported that it has impacted their self-esteem in a negative way. The battle for likes, the false connections and the facade of people's perfect life's can all contribute to negative feelings of jealousy, sadness about your own life and constant comparing. Not to mention it takes you away from the real life physical interactions you could be having with friends or activities that could be healthier for you.
Avoid negative self-talk-
We have over 50,000 thoughts a day, our brains are wired to jump to the negative side of things so what are the chances we won't have thoughts about ourselves that aren't exactly warm hearted? A good chance I'd say. Instead of just telling you to ‘think positive’, try ‘The Power Of Possible Thinking’.
“We feel a lot of pressure to turn it all around and make it positive,” Chansky, Psychologist and Author says. “But research has found that when you’re down and out and force yourself to say positive things to yourself, you end up feeling worse.” That’s because our internal lie detector goes off. She suggests a technique called possible thinking, which involves reaching for neutral thoughts about the situation and naming the facts. “I’m a fat cow” becomes “I’d like to lose 10 pounds. I know how to do it.” The facts give you a lot more choices and directions you can go in.
Connect with people who love you-
It's easy to feel bad about yourself if you spend time with people who treat you badly or don't appreciate you. Make a conscious effort to spend more time with people who love you and treat you like you expect to be treated. This can help you to feel good about yourself and challenge your negative thinking.
Talking to loved ones about how you feel can help you to reassess how you view yourself. Ask them what they like about you - it's likely that they see you differently to how you see yourself.
Positive affirmations-
Daily affirmations are a great way to train the brain to start to think positive thoughts about ourselves. For instance, if we regard ourselves as being shy and that nobody wants to speak to us; we could say to ourselves every morning and every night 'I am a confident and an approachable person'. Over time, affirmations like this gets your brain used to the thought. Your brain starts to rewire itself, you then start to feel like this remark is true and act accordingly to it.
Sooner than later, you no longer need to repeat the affirmation in your head as the behaviour comes naturally! What we think is what we believe and what we believe is what we achieve. Our negative beliefs are the biggest contributor to our self-esteem. Remember, be kind to yourself and ultimately be the observer of your thoughts- not the absorber.
Set yourself goals-
Your level of self-esteem reflects the relationship you have with yourself. The more your relationship with you is based on trust, respect, interest and affection, the better your self-esteem. Having this kind of relationship doesn’t mean looking the other way when you screw up, or pretending it didn’t happen. It means holding yourself accountable in a respectful and constructive way. One of the easiest ways to practice holding yourself accountable is by setting goals.
Self-esteem is enhanced when you set a goal that’s meaningful and important to you, and you follow through to make it happen. So if you want to improve your reputation with yourself, go ahead and set some heartfelt goals.
Take care of yourself-
Self-Care and Self-Worth are Interrelated. When you avoid things that make you feel mentally and physically well, you deplete your self-worth. Self-care is imperative in maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself and others. It produces positive feelings, which builds self-love, self-confidence and self-esteem. Doing things like getting enough sleep, eating healthy and keeping fit, taking some ‘me-time’ out just to relax or have fun, playing a sport or meditating are all a part of self-care.
Get Some Extra Support-
If self-esteem issues have become a serious problem in your life and/or have led to depression, anxiety, substance abuse, or an eating disorder, you may want to consider meeting with a therapist in order to work on healing any inner wounds and improving your self-image.
With love,
Jacqui Zdravkovski