Life is tough. There is no denying that. I believe however, we are still able to live a life of joy and happiness and it isn't as hard as winning 20 million dollars in the lotto or moving to an island in Greece and shutting off from the rest of the world. It can happen with no tools, no money and no resources. It can happen now and it starts with you.
This blog is based on a book I recently read called 'The book of joy' narrated by Douglas Abrams, from conversations the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu had over a week whilst they were together on a trip.
They both spoke of the things that hold us back from experiencing joy and then, they go into the eight characteristics one should have to experience a joyful life even in the face of life's inevitable challenges.
'Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu have survived more than fifty years of exile and soul-crushing violence of oppression. Despite their hardships- or, as they would say, because of them - they are two of the most joyful people on the planet'.
I will summarise these eight predictors of joy based on the book and my interpretations.
1. Perspective
Life is all about perspective. As the famous quote says 'Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional'. In other words, sometimes we can't control the challenging things that happen to us in our lives but we can control our perspective we have of that situation.
Suffering means we are taking a tough situation and adding on more pain and causing more suffering. We do this by complaining, worrying, dramatising, not seeing a way out and falling into depression or anxiety.
On the other hand, you could still hurt and feel the normal emotions of sadness or anger from a situation, but you are aware there is still something in your life to be grateful for or you are able learn a lesson from it which can make you stronger and more equipped for future challenges.
Our perspective is in our control and those with a more rational and positive outlook on life tend to be more joyful.
2. Modesty
This is all about not thinking or feeling that you are superior to anyone or that other people are superior to you. We are all born the same way and die the same way- we all have the same fundamental needs, we are equal.
When we start to act and feel equal, we are able to build more compassion to others and be more willing to help someone out. This service to other people creates joy in our lives as compassion is an innate quality of humans and it simply feels good.
The more selfish we are the less we are happy. Thinking we are seperate to another also causes negative thoughts and feelings like racism, prejudice and exclusion.
We are social creatures and we thrive when surrounded by loving support systems and contributing to our community.
3. Humour
The book describes the word 'humour' as coming from the root word of 'humanity'. Laughing between two people cuts through seriousness and bonds us together bringing forth a sense of equality. Being able to laugh and joke with people adds some lightness to the sometimes heavy world we live in. Not only is laughter enjoyable it is also linked with good heart health and health in general.
Joy and laughter go hand in hand and you can't have one without the other!
4. Acceptance
Archbishop put it perfectly, 'We are meant to live in joy, this does not mean that life will be easy or painless. It means that we can turn our faces to the wind and accept that this is the storm we must pass through. We cannot succeed by denying what exists'.
In other words, some things that happen to us are out of our control and this means we need to accept them as they are and not create suffering by worrying, or anxiety by trying to predict the future. We instead take life as it comes and live in the present as much as we can.
Going with the flow, as they say, creates a joyful and peaceful life.
5. Forgiveness
Forgiveness sets us free of the heavy burden that anger or resentment weighs on us. Forgiving doesn't mean we need to forget, it means we are no longer allowing the person or situation to have power over our happiness.
We are choosing to take the situation and learn from it or take the necessary action we need to take for our well-being.
Forgiving is accepting something has happened to us and taking a wider perspective of it to move on in a healthy manner where it no longer robs us of our happiness.
6. Gratitude
Sometimes we can be so oblivious to how lucky we are to just have a roof over our heads, food on the table and warmth in our homes during those cold winter nights. There are people without a home who are wondering where their next bit of food will come from and if they will even survive the next day without getting horribly sick or even attacked.
'Gratitude means embracing reality. It means moving from counting your burdens to counting your blessings, as the Archbishop had recommended, both as an antidote to envy and a recipe for appreciating our own lives'.
The more grateful we are the more things we have to be grateful for and the more joyful our lives will start to be.
7. Compassion
'Compassion is a sense of concern that arises when we are confronted with another's suffering and feel motivated to see that suffering relieved, compassion is what connects the feeling of empathy to acts of kindness, generosity and other expressions of altruistic tendencies.
As mentioned above, we are wired to be compassionate. Not all of us have discovered it yet, but giving is the key to living.
Self-compassion is being able to accept ourselves with vulnerabilities and human frailties like every other human. It is the basis for developing compassion for other people.
We must learn to love ourselves before we love other people.
8. Generosity
From compassion, comes generosity. Although you don't need to wait until you feel compassion to help others.
We can start to be generous right now even if we're not used to helping others. Random acts of kindness is a good way to start developing generosity. You don't need to have a lot of money to give a helping hand, sometimes just giving up your time to have a chat with someone can turn their whole life around for the better.
Generosity and compassion are the centre of our humanity and what makes us feel joyful and happy. So, spread the love and help one another, be grateful for what you have and don't forget to forgive, accept life as it comes and have a big old chuckle from time to time!
With love,
Jacqui Zdravkovski