Woman- 'I want happiness'
Buddha- First remove 'I' that's ego, then remove 'want' that's desire. See, now you are left with 'happiness'.
Being compassionate means moving away from purely focusing on yourself and realising the need to help and be aware of others. When we are compassionate, we are deeply feeling empathy for someone who is misfortunate in some way and actively want to help them. Having a sense of compassion means we are aware that us humans are all alike, essentially we all have the same needs and we should be treated with respect and care.
In our modern society, we are losing touch of feelings of togetherness and unity, so it is no surprise that people are becoming very self-centred. It's easy to get caught up in your own goals, your own happiness and your own problems. Humans are built to connect, we are social creatures, it's in our nature to be compassionate. The problem is that this nature has been buried under things like social media, new technologies and segregation.
This isn't to say we cannot be compassionate. We certainly can with our conscious awareness and practice.
The effects we feel from being compassionate are:
-Happiness in you and others affected
-Content
-Forgiveness to others and ourselves
-Openness to diversity
-A healthy confidence
-Increase in positive relationships
-Ability to be more mindful
-A more calm and positive life
-Increase in global peace and unity
Science also backs this up— people who practice compassion produce 100 percent more DHEA, ( a hormone that counteracts the aging process), and 23 percent less cortisol — "the stress hormone.”
You can practice compassion by:
1. Have a morning ritual:
Start your day with thinking of things or people you are grateful for. Then set an intention for helping anyone in need that you come across in your day. Setting an intention makes you more aware of when help is needed and makes you more likely to be willing to help.
2. Empathy practice:
Think of someone going through a tough time. Get some slippers or slip on shoes and try to imagine they belong to the person you're thinking of and when you put them on you become that person. Walk around the house like you are that person, try to feel exactly how they would be feeling right now, try to think thoughts they would be having and worries they might be facing. Feel the emotions as if they are your own. Do this for at least 10 minutes daily, changing up the person you are empathising for. This will increase your empathy abilities for anyone you come across who are in pain of some sort.
3. Commonalities practice:
Remind yourself that we are more alike then what we think we are. This can minimise your judgements of people, and could stop you from putting down or excluding someone you think is a lot different from you.
Try repeating these comments to yourself -
"Just like me, this person is seeking happiness in his/her life.
“Just like me, this person is learning about life”.
“Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair.
“Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.
“Just like me, this person is seeking to fill his/her needs.”
4 . Random acts of kindness-
Once you get good at this stage, practice doing something small each day to help someone, even in a tiny way. Could be a smile, or a kind word, or doing an errand or chore, or just talking about a problem with another person and giving them your full attention. Time goes a long way these days. Practice doing something kind to help ease the suffering of others.
5. People who mistreat us practice.
The last stage in practising compassion, is as well as wanting to ease the suffering of those we love, it's also wanting to help those who mistreat us. When you come across somebody who mistreats you, try to refrain from mistreating them back, instead do nothing and let the situation settle.
Once you are calm and a little more emotionally detached, try to reflect on what made this person do something so negative. Think about what mistreatment they could’ve experienced and are now mimicking, think about what suffering they could be going through currently, which has caused them to do what they did.
Once you have practiced reflecting, try to keep this in the back of your mind next time and when someone mistreats you, try simply letting it go, or treating the person with compassion. This is usually the thing that these people need the most, but of course will not admit it. This is hard at first, so keep practising, each time you will get better. Compassion is infectious, you’ll be surprised how easily some people can come around.
6. Evening routine:
It’s really beneficial to take at least a few minutes of quiet time before bed to reflect upon your day. Think about the people you came across and communicated with, how did it go? What went wrong? Who did you help? Did you make someone's life a little bit better that day? Who or what could you be grateful for in your day?
These compassionate practices can be done at any time, anywhere and at any stage. It’s great to generalise these practices in your home, work, sporting groups, or any public places you visit. Morning and evening rituals help to frame your day properly, and eventually embed compassion and gratitude within yourself. With practice, you can do it throughout the day, and throughout your lifetime.
Above all, compassion will bring happiness to your life and to those around you.
Dalai Lama said “This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”
With love,
Jacqui Zdravkovski